Youth – My Pain in the Ass

What is it about youth that I can’t understand?

As a, apparently, very important point of my life is coming soon (turning 20, whatever), my wonders about how my peers perceive this concept of youth keep on bugging me.

Acknowledging. This may sound hypocrite but why people ditch classes and drop out of universities, I would never understand. Of course keeping my ass on a bench constantly and barely listening to some mumbling is not my favorite thing to do in the world but throwing them all away is something I would never have the guts to do. Why? I have so many insecurities about my future that even thinking about them gives me unpleasant chills. People be crapping about how some rich bastards dropped out of school and succeeded anyhow but really, you believe that BS? I’d rather stick myself into this boring fuss to at least assure that I have that slight chance to make ends meet than throwing myself out there to the chaotic world with an absurd belief of me being wealthy while my head is full of…(don’t be shy finishing that sentence).

Whether this is actually who I am or this is what growing up has turned me into, I would never know (and would never care). I love being organized and systematic, kissing rules’ asses and staying boring. Yes, I love being a 42-year-old single parent who has 3 kids and 2 jobs to pay for them. I love securing my future and the word “secure” itself is nowhere near “burning the books and going parteee”. Again, I am so not a hypocrite. My concept of youth is “preparing yourself seriously because before you know it, life, that son of a butternut squash, will kick you so hard your free time will be as long as a mayfly’s lifespan”.

Of course I am not Hermione Granger or Belle whateverherlastnameis, I love to have fun as well. I go to parties once in a blue moon, I play all kinds of games, I hang out with friends of all types and do weird things. This is the point where the word “hypocrite” pops up so hard, I know, but wait. First of all, those things are tantalizing as f*ck and they were made to satisfy human beings so wasting them would be a crime. Second, regardless of their abilities to take over your life, the choice is in your hands. This is the point where I somewhat understand why being in my age is the most vulnerable kind of age. You’re away from any parental string which limited you but yet your responsibilities cannot overwhelm your will, it may be quite obvious to see why most of us are crazy about that YOLO concept. But then again, my definition of “responsibilities” is a positive kind of thing, it is something I need to take control of my life (about that, I will have a very long one to talk about what made me into this “have to take control of my life” bastard).

This is barely considered wise words but whatever: what you see is what you want yourself to see. Read it. Think about it. Doesn’t make sense? Who cares, this is my personal blog.

To end, I have been writing a lot, mostly about random stuff (dreams journal, random stories, blah blah) and I thought “why not overcome my social-media-bitch self and actually publish something regardless of the criticism” so here you go. Also, I curse a lot in my writings as well, mostly because speaking is my way of learning English so I write as I speak, and goddamn I curse like a hungry hippo, if that ever makes sense.


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